5 Super Powers You Can Have Today
Source: Weird News
Everybody wants superpowers, from the simple innocence
of a child yearning for flight to the sad perversion of the Amish man
praying for x-ray vision powerful enough to peep a lady's calves.
all want to be superhuman, and you can start right now! This is but a
sample of some of the currently existing (or soon to be developed) devices
that can lend the average person abilities previously relegated to world
of comic books.
Leg amputees, if not wheelchair-bound, are
often left struggling with awkward prosthetics, canes, and crutches.
But now, with the aid of newly developed super-legs, even double amputees
can run every bit as well as some of the world's fastest sprinters.
This all began in the 2000 paralympics with
a South African man named Oscar Pistorius who became the first amputee
to complete the 200-meter dash in under 22 seconds, beating the previous
world record, held by one Brian Frasure.
But there is some controversy over the legs' use. While they only
put out a 95% return of force as compared to the normal human legs' 200%
return, the running prosthetics also give the user a springing gait and
increased stride distance, which could lend them an unfair advantage
as well as a jaunty disposition.
Considering that this story took place
in the ancient days of the year of our lord, 2000, and the fact that
the legs have since gone through countless permutations by a myriad of
companies, many designs endow abilities well beyond typical human capacity.
But there is a great tragedy being overlooked in this
story: Brian Frasure, the previous world record holder, actually helped
design these prosthetic carbon-fiber feet, and he was the one who gave
them to Pistorius… who
promptly proceeded to wipe Frasure from the record books with them.
The poor bastard. He's probably working on a time machine right
now, to prevent himself from ever building these legs. If so, knowing
his track record, he will most likely be thwarted when somebody inevitably
uses that time machine to steal his plans and then invent it before him.
He will die as he lived, crippled (by irony.)
D3O (d-3-o) is an exciting new development in bulletproofing material
and not, as it sounds, a generic brand version of a Star Wars robot.
Or rather, it's an impact proof material which, in conjunction
with already existing bulletproof materials, could provide true invulnerability
to most gunshot wounds. As it stands now, you can survive many gunshot
wounds with traditional Kevlar, but are likely to feel pretty poor
afterwords, as the distributed force causes fleshwounds, broken bones
and large concentric bruises – like getting your ass beat by
Oftentimes the impact from surviving a gunshot will
temporarily knock the victim unconscious as well, leaving them vulnerable
with a guy that has already made his feelings clear through the administration
But D3O is set to stop that: It works kind of like cornstarch -- It starts
off as gel, but gets proportionally harder when more force is exerted
on it. When
soft, the substance allows for greater flexure, but when rigid can reduce
the strength of a bullet impact by more than half.
The UK Ministry of Defense has already commissioned body and head armor
using the new substance, obviously seeing the potential for better protection… or
just because it looks really, really fun to grab. We're talking
bubble-wrap levels of tactile stimulation here, people.
Scientists are getting damn close to inventing a true
invisibility cloak. Previous efforts -- while still scarily
advanced -- are nonetheless always slightly inaccurate, because
they rely on a camera/projector technique. Recently, a paper published
in the March 2009 issue of SIAM Review collected all that we currently
know about the method of invisibility, and it turns out it's a
We can not only render things invisible in theory by bending light waves
around an object, but have even progressed so far as to be developing
the metamaterials needed to bring the theory to life.
So, while it's incredibly close but currently theoretical in the
private sector, who's to say that better-funded government scientists
don't already have a secret working prototype? How would you know,
after all? They could be there right now…they could be….right…BEHIND
YOU! Nah, I'm just kidding. Why would they be behind you? They're
invisible, after all. They're probably right in front of you. Or
in your bathroom, depending on their inherent creepiness and the severity
of their pervert-mustache.
Some of us, as children, saw Spider-man's amazing agility and web-swinging
prowess and were immediately struck with jealous awe. The desperation
even had some of us – who shall remain unnamed and are in no way
me – microwaving spiders in an attempt to harness their radioactive
Not like Liming Dai, and Zhong Lin Wing, two professors at the universities
of Dayton and Georgia Tech, respectively, who invented a material with
ten times better proportional sticktion (I swear to god that's
a word) than a Gecko's foot.
The true awesomeness of the material, however, is that the nanotube spatulae
(basically microscopic hairs) design also allows the material to pull
free with a well-placed tug, letting you adhere to virtually any surface
as well as quickly remove from that surface for redeployment. Or, as
your childhood selves would understand it: Holy Shit! We get to swing
on webs now!
So on the upside: Childhood dreams realized! Let's get to work
on making Transformer Best Friends a reality and we're all set.
On the downside? Prepare for a massive Darwinian strike aimed solely
at the ADD infested nerd-children of America. Their awkward, flailing
flips and mid-air somersaults shall bring a reaping as terrible to endure
as it is hilarious to see.
Rob Spence, a filmmaker from Canada, had his eye wounded in a shooting
accident as a child. Presumably furious at its weak character and lazy
work ethic, Spence asked doctors to just completely remove it a few years
ago, and now he's getting it replaced with a small camera (of the
type normally used for colonoscopies,) a battery, and a wireless transmitter – effectively
turning him into a human documentarian capable of recording, broadcasting,
and relaying literally everything he sees, as he sees it.
Clearly this is an advantage over other, larger, more expensive filmmaking
crews, as it not only gives Scott a completely secret way to record,
but makes him basically the world's smallest, cheapest studio.
But god, consider what he's sacrificed to get here! Not only has
he been shot in the eye, but he's demanded that said eye be removed,
years later, and then replaced with something that normally goes up your
butt. The man's got a butt-eye for christ's sake! Van Gogh
may have cut off his ear, but until he replaces it with a dick, Rob Spence
wins for craziest gesture in the name of art, hands down.
Smarter You. The Richer You. The Healthier You.
Thankfully, you don't need to be a mad scientist to
master Quantum Jumping. All you need is an open mind, and the willingness
to learn. Once I've shown you how, you'll be able to use the untapped
power of your mind to 'jump' into alternate universes, and visit alternate
versions of yourself who already have all the skills, knowledge and
experience you desire.
Related Article: Get this $1000 "Become Superhuman" training for $20!
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